Being a parent takes work. I feel like a bad mom at times!
This mom guilt creeps in. And when it happens, it’s not pretty.
Don’t get me wrong, though. I love being a mother. It is a rewarding and fulfilling title to be had. It is something that I wouldn’t trade for anything else.
If I would go back to when I was planning to have a family, I would still choose to become a mother. But it is not always a bed of roses.
Motherhood also has its ugly side into it.
I Feel Like a Bad Mom!
What Exactly is Mom Guilt?
Let me quote:
Mom guilt means that pervasive feeling of not doing enough as a parent, not doing things right, or making decisions that may “mess up” your kids in the long run.
The definition says it perfectly. And I know that moms would relate when I say mom guilt is something you don’t ever want, but it keeps bothering the peace in your head.
THAT FEELING OF NOT DOING ENOUGH AS A PARENT
It is safe to say that all parents will never ever feel that they have done enough for their child or children.
This is something that bugs us, which makes us question ourselves,
“Am I doing enough for my child?”
“Am I being a good parent?”
“What else must I do?”
For most parents, having to deal with this feeling is tricky. Personally, it’s tough at times! I could easily blame myself for anything that doesn’t work out.
For instance, with my 2-year-old toddler, our day would end without me giving her enough food. She started becoming picky that she would eliminate veggies from her plate, which she loved eating before.
And it’s been a month or so already that this has been happening. She would only eat noodles, rice, chicken, and soup. And that’s it. But she also loves fruits such as oranges, apples, kiwis, and watermelon. At least she gets a bit of fibre from those.
Also, I feel the mom guilt of not doing enough reading for her. Or not teaching her enough or even not talking enough with her. Or not letting her exercise enough by going outdoors.
She also has way more screen time than recommended. Eating sweets more than recommended. I could go on a full list. But I want to stop here because it is now embarrassing me.
Mom Guilt After Yelling
There are days when I would be that mom with all the patience to talk with my child calmly. And if I am being that, I feel like the best mom in the world. Especially when I see my child responding in a way that satisfies me. Or if she’s making me proud.
But then, there are days too when I could turn into a lion roaring over my 8-year-old daughter; if I know that she lies to my face or she’s not obedient. Trust me. After yelling out of frustration, I would distance myself from my daughter. Go to our bedroom and cry out this mom guilt. While I hear my daughter sobbing outside as well.
It breaks my heart every time I yell at her. It makes me feel like I am the worst mom. But then, I don’t ever want to shout! Yet it happens. This is something that I’m working on.
The question is…
Is it normal to feel like a bad mom?
Absolutely! If you feel like a bad mom, please know you are not alone.
Tips to Overcome Mom Guilt?
1. Care for yourself first before taking care of others.
I have advocated for self-care ever since I became a mother. With our plates full of all the responsibilities and duties as mothers, it is easy to forget ourselves in the process.
In the last 8 years of becoming a mom, I’ve realized that all the unhappiness, frustrations, guilt, depression, and all that negative stuff – only roots down to me not giving enough time and care for myself. I actually just recently discovered this. Just lately, when my second child reached 2 years.
a little backstory
It was when I looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself: How are you? Are you happy? Are you okay?
Know what? I cried! Tears fell down my cheeks as I looked at the person in the mirror. This was someone that I needed to hear from. I’ve been yearning to really care for myself. And I so missed her!
And that’s when everything started. I took the first step.
I’ve decided to go on a weight loss journey which I’ve been successful with. I achieved my goal weight of 55kgs from 65kgs in 5 months. 10 kilograms off! Wow! That was amazing! I started feeling great in my own skin again.
I love taking walks outside to breathe in some fresh air. We live in a mountainous part of Taiwan, and oh, boy. I love how peaceful and relaxing it is here. I’ve also started doing things I enjoy, like journaling and blogging. I am consistently doing my skincare routine and taking warm baths. Getting enough sleep.
These simple things that I’ve incorporated into my daily life have significantly improved my everyday mood, and I perform better at my tasks. I became more of a calm parent and a patient wife. Not perfect! But I am getting better and better at it.
2. Re-evaluate your goals as a parent.
My husband and I try our best to parent together. Having the same goal together. We must constantly be on the same page.
Our eldest daughter spends all her day at school on weekdays. And since we value a balance between work and play, we allow her to enjoy screen time at the end of the day.
She loves playing online games only after she finishes her homework. Bedtime is 9 pm.
About food, we value nutrition. My kids are allowed to eat sweets or chips every once in a while. But they know the rules that they have to eat their meals first.
We would always return to our mission and goals if we lost track.
3. Distance away from toxic people
These people have so much to say and give unsolicited advice. I know. They can really be annoying and toxic. So it’s best to stay away from them. It is for your sanity as a mom.
Sometimes they get on my nerves so much that it stresses me out and impacts my ability to mother my children. I don’t want that. So it’s best to distance yourself from these people.
I love being on social media. I recently joined this Facebook group called “No More Yelling Mamas”. And I’m loving it so far!
I can relate with other moms in the group. Hearing their stories, frustrations, and small wins truly helps. In this group, I am learning so much about how to not yell at my kids anymore.
5. Encourage other moms!
Succeeding at dealing with mom guilt? Now, what? Encourage other moms, too!
You know what they say: Only mothers can understand mothers. So, take advantage of every chance to encourage.
Be that someone to another mom in your neighborhood or in a FB group who is experiencing the same mom guilt. It would mean a lot to reach out. Just think how grateful you were for having some other moms who encouraged you before.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Mom guilt is something that comes and goes. It will never leave for as long as we are moms in this lifetime. But with these helpful tips, at least we have something to go back to and review if this mom guilt attacks again.
Also, life is too precious to waste away at thinking and dwelling over our guilts. Our babies and kids grow fast! Soon enough, they will be managing their lives on their own. So, cherish the moments with them while they’re young.
Spend quality time with each of them. Be the best mom you can be, regardless of your imperfections.
Remember, in this life, nothing and no one is ever perfect! We can only do what’s best to the best of our abilities.
So, when was the last time you felt bad as a mom? I’d like to hear it. Let’s connect!
WHAT IS MOM GUILT AND HOW TO DEAL WITH IT? Share on XSince you’re here anyway, why not read some more?
